Jay is 1 month old today!
I can't believe how fast time has gone. So far he has been a stellar baby. He loves snuggling, hates having a dirty diaper and is completely indifferent to getting bathed. He grunts all day and night and often sounds like he's clearing his throat, but also makes a noise Sean says sounds exactly like a billy goat. Although its early, I swear he has been smiling for real (not just synapses firing, I'm talking a big ol' grin at appropriate times). If anyone's kid would smile early, it would be Sean's though, right?
Being on bed rest gave me a lot of time to think, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. I thought through every item on my registry, even checking Consumer Reports for the best items. The time also allowed me to fully assess all of my fears about pregnancy, delivery and parenthood. It therefore gave me a healthy perspective on what kind of parent I want to be. Sean and I both feel that the most important characteristics to strive for are going with the flow, always appreciating every moment and loving with all our hearts. I thought it was a pipe dream to follow through with that, but have found that in the past month, we have both naturally and intentionally lived by these rules.
Everyone always hears the age old advice that when kids come along, you have to just go with the flow. We have been so lucky that our little guy is an incredibly easy baby. He eats well. He sleeps well. He hangs out like a champ.One aspect of parenting has me stuck in the not-so-easy-going category. I admittedly have been obsessive about germs, and have struggled a lot with deciding who can hold him and where we can take him. I am still very anxious about this and find that I just want to hold him close to me whenever we are in public or around other people. Do not feel offended if I didn't or don't let you hold him, it takes all my willpower just to let anyone except Sean and I hold him. I am working on it. Be patient with me, I'm a first time mom and worked really hard to get this guy, I'm just going to be protective of him.
I despise when people complain about being pregnant. After my first miscarriage, I felt like everyone around me was pregnant, every TV show had pregnant characters and every elevator I stepped onto had a glowing pregnant woman rubbing her beautiful, bulging belly. If I heard any complaints I just fumed. "If ONLY I could complain about those things," I thought. When I finally got pregnant again, I swore I would never complain about the bad parts. Sure I was nauseous, fat and missed drinking tequila, but hell if I was going to say that to anyone. You never know who is struggling or has ever struggled with trying to get pregnant. This thought process was taken to a whole new level after my emergency cerclage at 20 weeks. I joined a support group online for women with an Incompetent Cervix (IC). The amount of women with IC who hadn't been diagnosed from first losing a baby in their second trimester was slim. I knew I was lucky, but quickly realized just how lucky I was to have caught the problem just in time. Every day that I stayed pregnant, I thanked my lucky stars (and God) (and my perinatologist) that I wasn't leaving my baby in the NICU. I am not saying I didn't falter and get angry for my circumstances, but for the most part I tried to stay positive and not only be grateful, but also enjoy being pregnant.
Now that I have my beautiful, healthy, baby boy (currently sleeping in my arms as I type), I strive to always appreciate him and never take him for granted. I don't want to look back on his childhood and wish I had enjoyed it more. I will strive to always live in the moment and savor the snuggles when he wakes me at night. I will cherish his wails because it means his lungs are strong and I will laugh about the time he puked milk all over both of us just after we've both bathed and dressed...and then smiled at me with such satisfaction, because, well, that was just kind of funny. Too many people never get their happily ever after, and Sean and I try not to forget that, at least for right now. we did.
The third aspect of parenting we are attempting is easy. Loving your baby is natural. Even when he's a teenager and I don't like him much, I will still love him with all my heart. Sean rushes to him every night when he gets home from work because 9 hours was too long to be apart. While holding him close one day he said to me, "I'm almost afraid I will squeeze him too hard because I love him sooooo much!" When I look at him for the first time in the morning, I feel excited to see him every day, as if 4 hours was too long not to be staring at his perfect face. I could go on, but you all might vomit. Like I said, it is just easy to love your own baby.
